I missed reading my bible yesterday, for those of you who follow my other blog, Multiplicity, you will know this is because I have been sick. I did however take time to pray and think some more about Proverbs 3:5-6 and to reflect on my own thoughts as well as the comment by Sunshine (which was much appreciated).
I am beginning to think that maybe that maybe he is not challenging me to stop questioning but to TRUST more. I thought I trusted God and I do in a way but thinking about my relationship with God I realised that I see him as one aspect of my life and not the centre in which I rely on.
I am not sure how to change this and prehaps this blog and trying to read my bible everyday is a start to this but I dont know how to make myself trust God more. I dont know how to rely on him completely. I want to believe God is always with me and that he loves me. But there is alot of times when I just cant feel him there and I do feel so alone. I dont know how to change this.
Intellectually I have accepted that God exists, that he loves me and he sent his only son to die for me. But in my heart of hearts do I believe this? I want to. But how do I know if I really do? I am going to pray on this some more.
Today when continuing with Proverbs these verses stood out to me. I am not sure why yet, if there is some lesson to be taken away or if its just purely comforting. Here Solomon is describing wisdom:
I also wonder if this is a way God is telling me that it is ok to question - to seek understanding and wisdom. But to remember that these things first come from Him and for me to truely find wisdom and understanding I must turn to Him.
I am beginning to think that maybe that maybe he is not challenging me to stop questioning but to TRUST more. I thought I trusted God and I do in a way but thinking about my relationship with God I realised that I see him as one aspect of my life and not the centre in which I rely on.
I am not sure how to change this and prehaps this blog and trying to read my bible everyday is a start to this but I dont know how to make myself trust God more. I dont know how to rely on him completely. I want to believe God is always with me and that he loves me. But there is alot of times when I just cant feel him there and I do feel so alone. I dont know how to change this.
Intellectually I have accepted that God exists, that he loves me and he sent his only son to die for me. But in my heart of hearts do I believe this? I want to. But how do I know if I really do? I am going to pray on this some more.
Today when continuing with Proverbs these verses stood out to me. I am not sure why yet, if there is some lesson to be taken away or if its just purely comforting. Here Solomon is describing wisdom:
"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.
By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens n place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew."
~ Proverbs 3:17-20
I also wonder if this is a way God is telling me that it is ok to question - to seek understanding and wisdom. But to remember that these things first come from Him and for me to truely find wisdom and understanding I must turn to Him.
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I struggled for a long time to really know that God loved me. I had such a horror of a father that I couldn't imagine a loving Heavenly Father. I set out on on a quest to really understand the atonement and what it means to me as an individual. By studying the atonement I found out just how much God loves me. I think the atonement is the key and answer to so many of our questions.
It took me 36 years of life to really KNOW that God does love me.
I really love your blog. I love how you seek trust and understanding without making anyone else feel less than. You are doing good things here. Thank you.
Sunshine