where are you? Where is God?
He is supposed to be there when things are falling apart - why cant I feel Him? He is supposed to give us the strength - yet I am falling apart. He is supposed to carry us, be our light.
Why do I feel all alone in the dark?
He is supposed to be there when things are falling apart - why cant I feel Him? He is supposed to give us the strength - yet I am falling apart. He is supposed to carry us, be our light.
Why do I feel all alone in the dark?
We (the girls bible study) have decided that we are going to read the chapter before the actual bible study so we have more time to discuss it. This weeks chapter is on Submission, which I started today. Its crazy I cant even read a full chapter and its only 8 pages long - I am really struggling with being exhausted.
Anyway - submission. This is a concept I have struggled with as I was taught submission to be a negative thing. I also associate it with negative things in my past and so I find submission really hard. However in the bible submission isnt a negative thing. In the bible submission is full of love and reverance.
The past few days I have been looking particularly at Proverbs 3:5-6. I have been considering my questioning of God and my trust of Him. Now I am wondering if this is all related to submission - not the verses in Proverbs but the things I have been considering.
My past makes me fear submission, and makes it hard for me to trust. I have never really considered how this might affect my relationship with God. This made me really think about how my past affects the way I veiw God and how I relate to him.
I like thinking of God as the loving, forgiving Father that he is. But I dont spend time thinking of Him as the fearful, all powerful, selfish God - the vengeful God that is seen in the Old Testment. I see God as loving, forgiving, a protector who will guide me and give me the strength I need to get through things.
I do see him as the creator of all things and in that I recognise his power however when looking at this power I am admiring the beauty of His creation. I dont think of our Lord as the angry vengeful all powerful God. The God who showed his fury on the Egypt - killing the first born of all those who were not his chosen. I have trouble putting these two pictures of God together, to me they are so opposite.
I suppose no one really likes thinking about God's rightous anger, however I now wonder if I shy away from it more because of my past. I myself have not felt anger - ever really I have been getting closer lately feeling annoyed and frustrated but never full anger. Anger frightens me, and the idea of all powerful God being angry? That is terrifying.
However if I dont try and see God as all that he is how can I love Him? And if I constantly only focus on the loving forgiving God I am likely to see Him more as friend than as the Almighty who has authority over everything. And this is where submission comes in - we are told in the Bible to submit to God - to his authority.
I apologise if this post doesnt make much sense or is muddled. A lot of it came to me as I was writing and was not full thought through. As I began writing about what I had thought it lead me on a bit of a tangant but a good one I think that needs considering.
Anyway - submission. This is a concept I have struggled with as I was taught submission to be a negative thing. I also associate it with negative things in my past and so I find submission really hard. However in the bible submission isnt a negative thing. In the bible submission is full of love and reverance.
The past few days I have been looking particularly at Proverbs 3:5-6. I have been considering my questioning of God and my trust of Him. Now I am wondering if this is all related to submission - not the verses in Proverbs but the things I have been considering.
My past makes me fear submission, and makes it hard for me to trust. I have never really considered how this might affect my relationship with God. This made me really think about how my past affects the way I veiw God and how I relate to him.
I like thinking of God as the loving, forgiving Father that he is. But I dont spend time thinking of Him as the fearful, all powerful, selfish God - the vengeful God that is seen in the Old Testment. I see God as loving, forgiving, a protector who will guide me and give me the strength I need to get through things.
I do see him as the creator of all things and in that I recognise his power however when looking at this power I am admiring the beauty of His creation. I dont think of our Lord as the angry vengeful all powerful God. The God who showed his fury on the Egypt - killing the first born of all those who were not his chosen. I have trouble putting these two pictures of God together, to me they are so opposite.
I suppose no one really likes thinking about God's rightous anger, however I now wonder if I shy away from it more because of my past. I myself have not felt anger - ever really I have been getting closer lately feeling annoyed and frustrated but never full anger. Anger frightens me, and the idea of all powerful God being angry? That is terrifying.
However if I dont try and see God as all that he is how can I love Him? And if I constantly only focus on the loving forgiving God I am likely to see Him more as friend than as the Almighty who has authority over everything. And this is where submission comes in - we are told in the Bible to submit to God - to his authority.
I apologise if this post doesnt make much sense or is muddled. A lot of it came to me as I was writing and was not full thought through. As I began writing about what I had thought it lead me on a bit of a tangant but a good one I think that needs considering.
I missed reading my bible yesterday, for those of you who follow my other blog, Multiplicity, you will know this is because I have been sick. I did however take time to pray and think some more about Proverbs 3:5-6 and to reflect on my own thoughts as well as the comment by Sunshine (which was much appreciated).
I am beginning to think that maybe that maybe he is not challenging me to stop questioning but to TRUST more. I thought I trusted God and I do in a way but thinking about my relationship with God I realised that I see him as one aspect of my life and not the centre in which I rely on.
I am not sure how to change this and prehaps this blog and trying to read my bible everyday is a start to this but I dont know how to make myself trust God more. I dont know how to rely on him completely. I want to believe God is always with me and that he loves me. But there is alot of times when I just cant feel him there and I do feel so alone. I dont know how to change this.
Intellectually I have accepted that God exists, that he loves me and he sent his only son to die for me. But in my heart of hearts do I believe this? I want to. But how do I know if I really do? I am going to pray on this some more.
Today when continuing with Proverbs these verses stood out to me. I am not sure why yet, if there is some lesson to be taken away or if its just purely comforting. Here Solomon is describing wisdom:
I also wonder if this is a way God is telling me that it is ok to question - to seek understanding and wisdom. But to remember that these things first come from Him and for me to truely find wisdom and understanding I must turn to Him.
I am beginning to think that maybe that maybe he is not challenging me to stop questioning but to TRUST more. I thought I trusted God and I do in a way but thinking about my relationship with God I realised that I see him as one aspect of my life and not the centre in which I rely on.
I am not sure how to change this and prehaps this blog and trying to read my bible everyday is a start to this but I dont know how to make myself trust God more. I dont know how to rely on him completely. I want to believe God is always with me and that he loves me. But there is alot of times when I just cant feel him there and I do feel so alone. I dont know how to change this.
Intellectually I have accepted that God exists, that he loves me and he sent his only son to die for me. But in my heart of hearts do I believe this? I want to. But how do I know if I really do? I am going to pray on this some more.
Today when continuing with Proverbs these verses stood out to me. I am not sure why yet, if there is some lesson to be taken away or if its just purely comforting. Here Solomon is describing wisdom:
"Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.
By wisdom the Lord laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens n place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew."
~ Proverbs 3:17-20
I also wonder if this is a way God is telling me that it is ok to question - to seek understanding and wisdom. But to remember that these things first come from Him and for me to truely find wisdom and understanding I must turn to Him.